Thailand's Culture of Silence
(Warning: This post touched on the topic of mental health, loneliness, and suicide ideation)
A while ago I saw a post on r/Thailand (strong contender for the worst country subreddit of all time BTW) about how Thai people seem to deem service workers as lesser because we don't say thanks to them. I didn't comment on that post because other comments already ripped OP a new one, but I thought about it over and realise that we really don't say anything to, say, a 7-Eleven cashier. But also, earlier today I took my nan to the hospital, and when I went to the cashier to "pay" (I didn't actually pay anything because this is Thailand and not the US), they didn't say anything to me either. They scanned Nan's ID card and when they're done they just gave it back to me with no words. Sometimes when I go to a supermarket, the cashiers would be talking to each other instead of me. I remember seeing a guy posted in the same subreddit asking if the cashiers were actually making fun of him.
In Thailand you don't small talk. You don't talk to strangers in the elevator. You just don't talk to strangers anywhere. If you do, you're deemed insane. It's a very quiet country in a way. There are so many noises but most of them are not human. Buzz saws, mortars and pestles, modified motorcycle revs, but not chatters. If you hear singing it's either drunkards or supernatural beings (depending on the quality of the singing as well as song choice). People talk, but only to people they know, and they don't like it if you try to talk to them otherwise. Missionaries are seen as nuisance because of the proselyting, but more so because make noises in public spaces.
A lot of farangs1 think that Thailand has a philosophy of kreng jai. While the term does exist and is in regular use, I've seen the term applied to every goddamned "quirks" of Thai society. The term itself just means "(to be) considerate". Not all Thais are considerate (see: my neighbor drilling into the wall at 4 in the morning for 6 days a week). I think what they think is Thai people being kreng jai is actually Thai people being non-confrontational. Thai people will die tolerating bad behavior before they confront the instigator. My friend once vented to the Line group chat that she witnessed a white woman being racist towards a merchant who can't speak English. She was seething with rage but didn't have the guts to confront the woman. Many such cases.
I'm not sure why we are like this. My guess is that from a young age Thais are taught to be silent and obedient, and as we grow up we don't get rewarded for being outspoken either. In fact, you're more likely to get punished for it. Talking in class is ground to deduct points from your behavioral score which counts towards your final grade. Meanwhile, asking questions often lead to ridicule from both your classmates and your teacher. I don't have much issue with public speaking aside from general nervousness, and I could feel other kids thought I was weird as hell for that.
As adults, there aren't many opportunities you can talk to strangers. Nightclubs and bars are for hanging out with friends, not meeting new people. I've never made any friends at any concerts or movies I've been to. Last year at the Tyler The Creator concert I saw a girl exchanging socials with other girls, but she's 16 so I didn't join in for obvious reasons. The other time I was at a workshop and was left out of a conversation. I'm not sure if it's because I'm a feminine woman or because the men were older than me or because I seemed anxious or a combination of all of those.
All my friends have been the same ones from high school. I don't expect to make anymore friends. I don't really care to. I don't think other people my age care either. Other queer women are looking for partners, not friends. In Thai society, your children comes first, then your parents, your spouse, your other relatives, then friends. Having friends is almost seen as a vice. You shouldn't spend so much time with friends as you could've used the time to work and study instead. Dad always teach us that friends are outsider and family matters the most. I think he's just a sociopath, but that's outside the scope of this post.
A lot of Thais deal with loneliness. At least half of all Thai songs are about being lonely and yearning for a romantic partner. I'm not so lonely myself as I don't live alone and my family don't cut me off for being queer. But there are a lot of Thais out there who lack the support system and access to mental healthcare (affordable healthcare does not mean accessible healthcare). I suspect that at least half of people I know have wished they'd just one day randomly, painlessly, cease to exist. They don't have the word for it but I do. That's called suicide ideation. You'd never know about their struggles though, because they don't talk.
This post is not a call for help or change or what have you. Just an observation. I haven't seen anyone talk about it like it's a problem. Maybe it's not a problem after all. Maybe the reason no one talks about it is because Thai culture simply doesn't talk and we should talk more as a result. But talk about what? Where? With whom?
Uh, send me an e-mail if this post entertained you in any way, I guess?
This word just means white (or white-passing) people. If you've been called this in a seemingly racist manner, you may have done something stupid.↩